My Emetophobia Journey: What is Emetophobia and What Symptoms Does it Cause?

Hi Readers,

I have been having a think about things that I could talk about which might help people, like myself, suffering from Emetophobia. Two of the things which particularly frustrated and frightened me were the lack of people, medical professionals included, who actually knew what Emetophobia was and secondly, I was very frightened that I was the only person experiencing certain symptoms. I therefore decided I would first of all define Emetophobia for those that read my blog without the condition and to raise awareness among those outside the Emetophobic community. I will then move onto some of the symptoms that I personally experience with Emetophobia. I would love for people to comment and tell me what symptoms they personally suffer from in the hope that when people read this, they won’t feel so alone or like they are going mad, as they will see lots of people experiencing the same things as they are,

What is Emetophobia?

Emetophobia is an intense but irrational fear of v********, however, some sufferers may also be afraid of other people v********. Emetophobia is completely different from ‘not liking’ v******** as we all know it is something that no-one enjoys. An Emetophobe will take drastic measures to avoid anything to do with v**** and will most likely carry out rituals which they believe will decrease the chance of them being ill. Speaking for myself, I find it slightly irritating when I tell somebody that I have Emetophobia and they say ‘oh, I have that, I don’t like being s***.’ It is very frustrating for me, when Emetophobia has such a drastic impact on my life to hear someone say the above.

What Symptoms and Effects does Emetophobia Cause Me Personally?

As there is quite a few of these I will bullet point some of the symptoms that Emetophobia gives me:

• Constant nausea- Although I know in times where I am rational that this is caused by my anxiety when I feel panicked I am convinced that I have a SV or bug.
• Anxiety- I feel constantly anxious and on edge that I am going to v**** or catch a SV which will make me v****.
• Inability to Take ANY Medication- I find it nearly impossible to take any form of medication, even anti-emetics due to an intense fear that they will make me v****. FACT: When I dislocated my wrist totally out of place, I had it re-manipulated back into place with no pain relief whatsoever!
• Panic attacks and a feeling of sheer terror-If I feel even slightly s***, I get a heavy feeling of terror in my heart, palpitations and then panic attacks.
• I HAVE to know where the toilet is- I cannot go into a place where there is no toilet as I worry I may v**** in public.
• Cannot drink alcohol- Those of you who know me will know that I do not drink and this is because I am terrified that the alcohol will make me v****. 
• Being Around S*** People- This one is a tricky one for me in particular. I can deal with v**** in front of others if I know the reason behind it, for example, anesthetic and although I will look calm on the outside, I will be panicking on the inside. FACT: In September I will be a Student Nurse!
• I constantly think of the possibility of V*******- This rules my life, if the risk is too big, I do not do it.
• Cibophobia- I am frightened of food due to my Emetophobia and can restrict eating due to this.
• I cannot travel on Public Transport- I am too frightened that I or someone else will be travel s*** and v**** plus I am worried I could catch something.
• I cannot eat out- This is mainly because of my allergies, but I am frightened the food won’t be hygienically prepared and also concerned I will v**** in public. FACT: This weekend I will be going out for a meal to challenge myself this weekend.
• I find it difficult to go out and socialize- I fear v******** in public, especially, in front of friends.
• I overcook ALL food- Especially meat where there is a chance of food poisoning.
• I obsess over food being in date- Especially with meat, I will not eat it if it’s even close to the date and will smell and check it to make sure it isn’t off! 
• I have to sit at the end of a row- I must be able to get out quickly.

There are many more of course, but these are just SOME of the ones that I personally suffer with most days. Do you suffer any of these symptoms? What symptoms does your Emetophobia give you? Comment below, as I would love to hear from people and see what problems Emetophobia causes for others. Also, it may help for those with Emetophobia to not feel so alone, silly and isolated if they know others with the same symptoms which they are experiencing. 

COMMENT BELOW YOUR SYMPTOMS: Lets get together a list so that Emetophobes feel less alone and know there are people in the same boat, experiencing all these thing which they are feeling.

Thank-you very much for reading,

Chlo x

My Emetophobia Journey: My First Shift Back at the Nursing Home!

Hi Readers,

First of all, I would just like to thank everyone who read my blog yesterday, I have been truly overwhelmed with the support I have received. It seems there are many people suffering with Emetophobia in silence, not even knowing the name of the phobia they have, feeling alone and frightened. I sincerely hope that I can make this blog reach as many people as possible so I can encourage them to seek professional help and most of all realise that they are not alone, mad or silly.

So, on to the topic of this post; my first day back at the Nursing Home. I knew that today would be a big challenge for me. Unpredictable residents who can suddenly v**** without warning, lots of nasty smells which induce n****a, trapped inside a warm environment where viruses and bugs are often rife and having to eat in public. However, on the positive side, I have the pleasure of caring for a wonderful bunch of interesting and unique residents, each with their own individual story to share. Working with some of the best carers, close friends in an environment which is very familiar to me, where I feel I can make a true difference to someones life.

I was determined to rise to the new challenge for many different reasons and utilise my newly learnt CBT techniques, but mainly to go back into a job I know I love. It is safe to say, after a sleepless and anxious night, filled with panic, I thought I had taken on too much to soon. However, I found the strength to carry on, trying to push the positives of the situation to the forefront of my mind and the negatives to the back. I spent the journey to work feeling anxious and on edge, however, with fighting spirit and a good dose of determination, I made it into work, something I doubted whether or not I would be able to achieve.

Once I entered the building, it felt like I had never left, all my colleagues and friends chatting amongst an array of noise from the residents; my anxiety started to melt. My first challenge came when I was asked to aid a resident in her personal care tasks and I was informed she had been suffering with a stomach virus and repeated episodes of v********. Instinct told me to panic and run, however, I chose not to follow them and instead selected the ‘rationalizing’ technique my CBT therapist had taught me, something which I will explain step by later on in this entry. Through using this technique, I was able to aid the resident calmly and attentively without worry. For the first time in a long while, I felt proud, like I had taken a big step towards beating Emetophobia and it gave my a renew sense of determination to keep taking new steps to recovery.

The next challenge I faced was feeding many different residents their breakfast and then later on in the shift, dinner. This is one of the things I was particularly nervous about due to a past bad experience of a resident v******** on me without warning. However, again I used my rationalizing technique to good effect and ended up enjoying watching the residents enjoy their food. I started to feel much less anxious and really settle into my work, remembering why I love the caring profession.

Unfortunately, at around 2:00pm with two more hours to go on my shift, I started to feel extremely n******s and instantly started to panic. I tried to rationalize as I had done before, however, struggled to calm down and decided to try and distract myself by completely shutting off and focusing on the residents. I told myself repeatedly in my head that I COULD do this and that I was not going to let the Emetophobia beat me this time. After, a difficult 90 mins, I calmed down and was able to enjoy the rest of my shift, even dealing with a resident with severe d******* without any problems, making sure she was clean and comfortable and not embarrassed.

Before I knew it, 4pm had rolled around and it was the end of my shift. I said goodbye to everyone, walking out feeling proud and hardly being able to believe that I have managed to complete the shift and not just that, but enjoy it. Emetophobia can be beaten and I will be going back for my second shift on Tuesday feeling more positive and hopefully less anxious. Safe to say, it is Chloe, 1 and Emetophobia, 0! To everyone out there with Emetophobia, remember you CAN do anything you put your mind to, however challenging or impossible it may seem. Please have the confidence to take a step and give something a try, yes you may not succeed the first time but you will succeed in the end.

Lastly, I thought I would share with you the rationalizing technique that I used to help me get through my shift today. Before I do this, I would like to make it clear that I am not a health professional nor do I hold any qualifications in therapy. The version of the rationalizing technique which I am going to share with you is my own adaptation of the one that my CBT therapist taught me.

The Rationalizing Technique (Done in your head or on paper, depending on the situation.)

1. Set a clear goal of the task that you want to achieve e.g washing and dressing a resident with a SV.
2. Identify the problem/s which are making you anxious or preventing you from completing the task e.g I may catch the SV and v****.
3. Contradict the problem you have identified with a more realistic statement eg I will be wearing gloves and an apron and can wash my hands afterward. I have an immune system being near to someone with an SV does not mean I will catch it or v****. Overall, so long as I practice good hygiene, it is very unlikely that I will catch anything.
4. Re-evaluate the situation and challenge yourself to complete the original task e.g  Although, I am nervous, being near the resident does not mean that I will contract a SV and it is important that I wash and dress them so they are clean and happy.

The above method takes ALOT of practice but you will eventually be able to do it without barely thinking, rationalizing situations before they even become a problem. Myself, I am still learning and although I sometimes find the technique challenging, I find with perseverance, it does really help me and can enable me to put myself in situations I find difficult.

Thank-you very much for reading and I really hope you have found this helpful. If anyone has any questions feel free to email me at myemetophobiajourney@hotmail.com and I will reply as soon as possible. Keeping taking steps to beat Emetophobia, you are not alone and it DOES get better.

Chlo x

My Emetophobia Journey to Date: Meet Chloe!

Hi Readers,

Here it is, the first post of my first ever blog. How exciting? I decided to start a blog for several reasons; the lack of support and awareness for Emetophobia, to log my journey of recovery and most importantly, to make people living with Emetophobia realise that they are not alone. If this blog reaches just one person with Emetophobia and makes their day just slightly better then it will be 100% worth it!

So, firstly, I thought I would share with you a little bit about myself and my journey living and recovering from Emetophobia so far. My name is Chloe, Chlo for short and I am 19 years of age. I have many hobbies including singing, dancing and playing various instruments, as well as keeping fit and most importantly spending time with loved ones. I currently live with my parents, close by to my family and friends. I am a open lesbian and have been with my girlfriend, Sian, for over 15 months now. Sounds just like the introduction of a ‘typical’ teenager, eh? Except I have been living with severe Emetophobia leading to Anxiety for nearly two years now.

Emetophobia first entered my life aged 18 whilst in hospital suffering from a nasty Kidney Infection where I was given very strong Antibiotics which made me extremely nauseous. I felt frightened, panicked and hysterical when I realized I may actually v****, however, at the time, I did not recognize that this was in fact the start of my battle with Emetophobia. In the nine months following this experience, I found myself struggling to get on the train to visit my girlfriend, unable to eat food out, unable to drink alcohol or go out with friends without causing severe anxiety and panic attacks. To make things more complicated, I was working as a Care Assistant in a Nursing Home for people with advanced Dementia where bugs are often rife and v******** was a regular occurrence. Although, I stuck it out I found myself extremely anxious before shifts, often restricting my own food intake to ‘decrease’ the chance I may v**** and this in turn had a drastic impact on my health, meaning I have increasing time off work, ill.

In November 2013, I secured my place on the Adult Nursing degree course at UEA for the January 2014 intake, something which although, frightened me, I had been longing to do so I could fulfill my dream to help others. However, it was later this month I finally realized that the anxiety that was plaguing my every moment was down to Emetophobia and that I was not going ‘mad.’  I felt very alone and frightened plus the condition was so poorly understood or recognised that I didn’t know where to seek help or how to tell friends and family. In December 2013, I started Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which slightly helped, until it got to exposure therapy, I wasn’t ready so I lied to my therapist and said that I wasn’t having problems anymore. It couldn’t have been further from the truth really, I was anxious about v********, especially in front of people, others v********, or catching a bug from the moment I woke up to the moment I slept at night.

In January 2014, I moved down to Norwich to start my degree in Adult Nursing, I started off well, however, I was restricting my food intake, due to fear of v****, finding lectures tricky due to being in a room with lots of people and getting extremely agitated if I was unable to sit on the end of the row. I couldn’t enjoy anything University life entailed, found nights out impossible and struggled to go anywhere due to fear of being s*** in public. By March 2014, it was time for my first placement on a real life after surgical ward. Safe to say, I loved it, in those two weeks I knew I was meant to be a Nurse. However, when a patient had a bug, I was frightened to death that I may have caught it and became even more anxious than I had ever been. Avoiding patients after anesthetic in case they may v**** and feeling constantly anxious that someone would v**** or give me a bug which may make me v****.  By the end of March 2014, I had lost nearly two stone in weight and was too unwell to continue my course and I moved back home after another stay in hospital.

After moving home, I spent the next 8 weeks in bed, not daring to go out much and being constantly worried that I was ill therefore, making myself more poorly. I had given up, Emetophobia had won and I had decided not to go back to Nursing. Around a week later, a long-term very close friend messaged me saying she wanted to talk to me. What she said to me must have been extremely hard to say and I will always be grateful to her because the next day I rang the University and asked if I could return just months later for the September 2014 intake. Emetophobia was NOT going to beat me and I was not going to give up, I could get through it and achieve what I had always wanted to.

That brings me to now, I have started CBT again with a different therapist and have had three session so far. I also got a temporary office job for a few weeks, however, I have set myself a challenge and tomorrow I will be going back to my old place of work, the Nursing Home where I will have to face my fear head on. I have gained 12lbs in weight already and am working hard to gain the rest of the weight that I lost due to Emetophobia. This week I achieved something I never thought I would do again, I went on a day out with my girlfriend, away from my home town and I was able to eat out too! I still have severe Emetophobia, but things are improving, they really do get better with a lot of effort and support.

This is only the start of my journey, I have a long road to recovery, but there IS an end to Emetophobia and it will not stop me achieving my dream of being a Nurse, I will not let it. To everyone out there with Emetophobia, you CAN do this, take it one step at a time and there will be an end. Together we can beat Emetophobia, I personally will not let it beat me, however hard it will be to over come it.

Thank-you very much for reading, I will continue to update the blog, share tips that I have found helpful, share my own Journey and hopeful help others out there who are feeling alone. Please share my story, I want to reach as many people as possible and let everyone with Emetophobia know that they are NOT alone.

Chlo x