Hi Readers,
First of all, I would just like to thank everyone who read my blog yesterday, I have been truly overwhelmed with the support I have received. It seems there are many people suffering with Emetophobia in silence, not even knowing the name of the phobia they have, feeling alone and frightened. I sincerely hope that I can make this blog reach as many people as possible so I can encourage them to seek professional help and most of all realise that they are not alone, mad or silly.
So, on to the topic of this post; my first day back at the Nursing Home. I knew that today would be a big challenge for me. Unpredictable residents who can suddenly v**** without warning, lots of nasty smells which induce n****a, trapped inside a warm environment where viruses and bugs are often rife and having to eat in public. However, on the positive side, I have the pleasure of caring for a wonderful bunch of interesting and unique residents, each with their own individual story to share. Working with some of the best carers, close friends in an environment which is very familiar to me, where I feel I can make a true difference to someones life.
I was determined to rise to the new challenge for many different reasons and utilise my newly learnt CBT techniques, but mainly to go back into a job I know I love. It is safe to say, after a sleepless and anxious night, filled with panic, I thought I had taken on too much to soon. However, I found the strength to carry on, trying to push the positives of the situation to the forefront of my mind and the negatives to the back. I spent the journey to work feeling anxious and on edge, however, with fighting spirit and a good dose of determination, I made it into work, something I doubted whether or not I would be able to achieve.
Once I entered the building, it felt like I had never left, all my colleagues and friends chatting amongst an array of noise from the residents; my anxiety started to melt. My first challenge came when I was asked to aid a resident in her personal care tasks and I was informed she had been suffering with a stomach virus and repeated episodes of v********. Instinct told me to panic and run, however, I chose not to follow them and instead selected the ‘rationalizing’ technique my CBT therapist had taught me, something which I will explain step by later on in this entry. Through using this technique, I was able to aid the resident calmly and attentively without worry. For the first time in a long while, I felt proud, like I had taken a big step towards beating Emetophobia and it gave my a renew sense of determination to keep taking new steps to recovery.
The next challenge I faced was feeding many different residents their breakfast and then later on in the shift, dinner. This is one of the things I was particularly nervous about due to a past bad experience of a resident v******** on me without warning. However, again I used my rationalizing technique to good effect and ended up enjoying watching the residents enjoy their food. I started to feel much less anxious and really settle into my work, remembering why I love the caring profession.
Unfortunately, at around 2:00pm with two more hours to go on my shift, I started to feel extremely n******s and instantly started to panic. I tried to rationalize as I had done before, however, struggled to calm down and decided to try and distract myself by completely shutting off and focusing on the residents. I told myself repeatedly in my head that I COULD do this and that I was not going to let the Emetophobia beat me this time. After, a difficult 90 mins, I calmed down and was able to enjoy the rest of my shift, even dealing with a resident with severe d******* without any problems, making sure she was clean and comfortable and not embarrassed.
Before I knew it, 4pm had rolled around and it was the end of my shift. I said goodbye to everyone, walking out feeling proud and hardly being able to believe that I have managed to complete the shift and not just that, but enjoy it. Emetophobia can be beaten and I will be going back for my second shift on Tuesday feeling more positive and hopefully less anxious. Safe to say, it is Chloe, 1 and Emetophobia, 0! To everyone out there with Emetophobia, remember you CAN do anything you put your mind to, however challenging or impossible it may seem. Please have the confidence to take a step and give something a try, yes you may not succeed the first time but you will succeed in the end.
Lastly, I thought I would share with you the rationalizing technique that I used to help me get through my shift today. Before I do this, I would like to make it clear that I am not a health professional nor do I hold any qualifications in therapy. The version of the rationalizing technique which I am going to share with you is my own adaptation of the one that my CBT therapist taught me.
The Rationalizing Technique (Done in your head or on paper, depending on the situation.)
- Set a clear goal of the task that you want to achieve e.g washing and dressing a resident with a SV.
- Identify the problem/s which are making you anxious or preventing you from completing the task e.g I may catch the SV and v****.
- Contradict the problem you have identified with a more realistic statement eg I will be wearing gloves and an apron and can wash my hands afterward. I have an immune system being near to someone with an SV does not mean I will catch it or v****. Overall, so long as I practice good hygiene, it is very unlikely that I will catch anything.
- Re-evaluate the situation and challenge yourself to complete the original task e.g Although, I am nervous, being near the resident does not mean that I will contract a SV and it is important that I wash and dress them so they are clean and happy.
The above method takes ALOT of practice but you will eventually be able to do it without barely thinking, rationalizing situations before they even become a problem. Myself, I am still learning and although I sometimes find the technique challenging, I find with perseverance, it does really help me and can enable me to put myself in situations I find difficult.
Thank-you very much for reading and I really hope you have found this helpful. If anyone has any questions feel free to email me at myemetophobiajourney@hotmail.com and I will reply as soon as possible. Keeping taking steps to beat Emetophobia, you are not alone and it DOES get better.
Chlo x
My Emetophobia Journey 